Adirondack Chairs

I REMEMBER GETTING MY FIRST set of Adirondack chairs in Illinois right after my first honeymoon.

They were made of wood, finished in glossy white enamel, and had navy-blue cushions. They looked great in my yard and up on my porch. They were handcrafted and carried a hefty price tag. I lost one of them in my divorce. Yes, two chairs, the Adirondack and a blue-gray leather wing- back - half of my earthly possessions. That seemed important in my twenties.

How curious is that in hindsight?

Today, Adirondack chairs are everywhere. My region’s wineries and cideries feature them, scattered throughout the properties, inviting guests to sit, relax, and take in the beautiful landscapes of the many vineyards and orchards found along the scenic 116-mile M-22 byway.

The issue for me and Adirondack chairs has come down to this—they are increasingly difficult to get out of. I’m not embarrassed to admit it. I even do thirty squat stretches every morning after waking up to strengthen my stomach and leg muscles. It was initially intended to help me get off my toilet.

My girlfriend gets mad at me for assisting her with my arms and hands during that first thrust forward to get her out of an Adirondack chair. The chair’s design lets gravity have the upper hand. We have both taken the position that it isn’t our senior ranking as much as the chair’s design. Perhaps a bit of denial is part of our perception, but I’m still going ahead with my recommendations to solve this dilemma, thinking there is a solution.

My approach is to correct the basic design flaw I am exposing. My update fits into the chair’s 125-year history, as there have been many improvements over the years. Heck, in 1938, Irving Wolpin patented the fan-shaped slats that make up the designs I’m most familiar with on the upper back of the chair (like in my photo). It boils down to the depth and angle of the lower seat. It's much too severe. Hell, it’s almost like getting out of a barrel. Obviously, the inventor was in his twenties or early thirties and had not yet heard of a BMI over 30 or the theory of gravity. Men didn’t think that way in 1903, when the chair was first patented.

I also have noticed that my friends often have trouble pronouncing the name of the chair - a·dr·aan·dak. I have a solution for that, too. Let’s call this updated design the Adams Chair - "If you can get up off the toilet, you can get out of the Adams Chair."

Here we go with another million-dollar idea.